He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
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