I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
