You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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