so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
