I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
