So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
