Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
