my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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