Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
