i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
