I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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