One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
