yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
