Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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