At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I touched a dick in church today
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
