coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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