i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
