Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
