I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
