To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
