i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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