apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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