I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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