I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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