walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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