i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
your like the ambassador to my penis.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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