You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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