Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
