dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
