I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
