It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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