Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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