I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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