oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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