just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
