I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
