Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
