she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
