is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
