Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
sarcasm needs its own font
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
