Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
