I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
