You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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