The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
