While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
