either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
