You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
