You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
