I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Found your dick twin last night
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
