Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
