I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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