You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize