I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
