I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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