so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
