My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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