$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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