i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
