Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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