also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I want a musical about memes.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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