If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize