Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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