I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
