Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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