At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
