Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
