yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
