Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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