im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
