So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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