Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I don't deserve a penis
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
