She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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