peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
