She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
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