hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
