I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
