So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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