anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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